depressed ballons
full of bad breath
can’t push against
the ceiling
on your big day
you listen to your uncle talk about his RV
followed by something racist
as you blow out
the candles
for hot luck
next year

three steps before hell
the gate keepers ask
if you came for
business or pleasure
big fucking question
sure they would expect
you’ve at least
made up your mind by now
and have it all figured out
but you’re just trying
to smile
and they’re trying
to smile
as you walk off
thinking they probably
get this
all the time

the priests team up

and work in shifts in

an attempt to comfort me

they spoon feed me fruits

directly from jars

but I’m having

none of it

this time

I spit it in a soft lake

and hide in the tall grass

wild and scared

when nature lets its hair grow out

I’m climbing every single one

until gravity pulls

a friendly reminder

of the stones in my pocket

but my god

it’s hard to feel heavy

next to you


The TV is screaming at me
in the voice of people turning twenty one
while I dream of manspreading
my way into everyone’s life
to cover more ground
and take more than I need
just because
I can

It’s excessive behavior week
and I’m the Belladonna of this shit

I try to forget the too white sheets
and order some of the stretchiest attire
available online

Yes I still think of you
and how you would
count your blessings
using all your fingers
the gray nails the red nails the black nails
the too white sheets all year
and I would pull my hand out of a bag of chips
to mirror your movements
and immediately realize
the softest hands
I could ever imagine
are my own


This might be the start of something newvent
so we ask each other questions
like do you know this band
what would your dream house look like
and is your dad still alive
I shake my head
you cry a little
we smoke in bed
and drink from the same glass
your tongue carves pet names into my neck
and I cringe a little
while hair’s falling to the ground beneath me
yesterday’s socks on the ground beneath me
I put them on again
just watch me.